Animal Descriptions but they’re BAD

pupylvr4905:

theonlyjelly-iwillput-inmybelly:

Any fuckin frog: Screaming silly putty with feet like magnets. A thirsty hoe. Needs that water 

Snail: Slug that found some free real estate. DOES NOT LIKE POKES. No poke the homed slug.

Slug: A snail still suffering from the great housing market collapse of 2008. Real garden bitch. There are no houses in my garden Jeremy. Fuck off my cucumbers.

Elephant: Spaghetti nosed good Samaritan with the FUCKED UP TEETH that AREN’T TEETH but ARE AT THE SAME TIME. 

Manta ray: That big sea pancake that yeets out the ocean sometimes

Eel: Wiggly ocean slut with an electrocution fetish

Turkey: A feathered yodeling abomination of god

Squirrel: Tree rat with a built in umbrella and a severe case of kleptomania

Worm: Dirt noodle. Wiggly dirt slut

Bee: Danger cottonball that hangs out with a squad and faceplants on flowers a lot

Giraffe: Noodle neck spotty dude with a tongue longer than the average attention span. Probably drinks Starbucks. Sophisticate

Zebra: A horse with a hipster aesthetic. Screams when approached

Whale Shark: OCEAN KIRBY

Moose: Loner that bumps its head on things and gets really mad about it but only on the inside

Grizzly Bear: Danger fluffball with knives on every appendage

Seal: Ocean dog trying it’s hardest

Duck Billed Platypus: Gem fusion of a beaver and a duck. what the fuck what the fuCK

Ants: That one gang of neighborhood hoodlums that throws rocks though your windows and steals all your fucking food except they’re bugs

Hammer Head Shark: Probably works at home depot. Has a bigger blind spot than the Kia Sedona, a difficult feat to achieve. Walks into wall despite the fact it’s a fish

Swan: A three times divorced hoe who should probably attend anger management classes. 

Wildebeest: You killed Mufasa you fucking hoes

Lion: Hair model that screams whenever anyone gets within a 500 meter radius of them

Shark: Blind bitch looking for their glasses. Mouth breather. Media done them wrong but they keep going. 

Mosquito: slut

Flamingo: Pescetarian dork with the dumbass legs. Feminist. Probably falls over itself a lot

Hippopotamus: A chunky boye full of self love and murder. Unexpectedly buff

Opossum: Pathologically lying rat that with too many teeth and noodle tail

Bat: A bird with a bad haircut and flies like a drunk fuckboy

I’m wheezing